| November 5th, 2009 |
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Five Commercials I am Officially Sick Of
1. Billy Mays: The only thing worse than a shrill, shouting pitchman hocking a useless piece of undercooked fraud? A shrill, shouting zombie pitchman! It kills me a little bit inside to know that someone, somewhere said, "You know what'd be a good idea? A Billy Mays marathon." Coming across these commercials in the course of an evening is the TV watching equivalent of runing face-first into an iron bar.
2. Mac vs. PC: Really I'm sick of both sides of this competition. My operating system isn't a lifestyle choice, and I am not personified by my choice of computer. Also, John Hodgeman has something like ten times the charisma of Mac guy, so I really don't know what's going on there.
3. Enzyte: "This is Bob! His huge cheesy grin is meant to comically suggest that he's happy with his huge penis! Despite the fact that he and his wife are two of the most hideously distorted trolls ever to bruise the face of this planet, we hope that you'll think of Enzyte when you want to enlarge your pathetically tiny member! So, guys, the next time you break down weeping in the shower at the shriveled raisin that God has, in his mockery, placed between your legs, remember Bob's twisted rictus grin, and call for Enzyte!"
4. Nostradamus Effect on the History Channel: Is the end of the world nigh!? Was (insert historical figure, probably Hitler, here) a prophet!? This Tuesday, watch as we give tinfoil hat-wearing conspiracy theorists and pseudoscientific dribble the benefit of the doubt.
5. Any video game commercial that cites a review in an "official" magazine: Even if the source didn't seriously impugn the validity of the quotes shown on gaming commercials, the fact that they're taken so far out of context that they may well have been launched out of the magazine on a booster rocket may be a bit of a red flag.
At least I haven't seen anyone cite a Maxim review in a while. Sheesh. >_> |
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